Travel, School, and Silliness

Its great, i dont even know why. I'm on a mission. Maybe itll last 5 minutes and it will drop like most things in my life, or maybe the focus i've been needeing has come and is here to stay. I dunno what to think. Don't know what this is all about. Bart and me just talked the shit for like 5 hrs. Thats gotta be the 3rd or 4th really great talk i've had here in norway since ive gotten here. Just talking about whatever, pauses in conversation, random thoughts, uninhibited talk as i hope and truly believe that were both trustworthy to just be able to talk the shit and be done with it. To just not have to worry about whats being said, but allowing what needs to be said to be said. And for the first time in a while im just writing here on my blog, not sugar coating, condensing, thinking, just writing what i want to write. And the thoughts go nowwhere when i start thinking about the writing so ill go on, its just that i have got this feeling that i can control my life again, that i can be focused again that i can be confident again. Its like i havent been myself for 3 months and i've wollowed for 3 months in a wierd state of confusion and distraction, all the while with little bits of happiness and fun, but not with the same optimism and ambition as i want and need. Getting wrapped up in what i obviously am not ready for leaves me feeling only regeret. So im just gonna try to sleep easy for the first time in a while. just do what needs to get done just sleep, just wake up and enjoy what i've got coming , and stop hoping for what i can't control and can't have given my inability to go for it. Im a mind conflicted and confused and at least i know what im not able to sort out in my head. So i thank bart for a nice talk, a wall to bounce my words off of. I hope he benefit/enjoyed talking as much as me, i hope i benefit myself. and i hope andy's doing ok. And im jealous that ppl at home are all done exams, when actually, my exams are garbage so i technically should be saying im done too, i just have to physically show up and barf some english on a page. so synical and negative are my thoguths about the schooling here its not worth expressing to get others feelign down or insulted.
End ramble:

Start Constructed thought:
- I'm not over, nor will i ever be over my girl troubles here. But im out of hope or at least im done waiting. Either i'm going to go balls out and be real or im just not going to let myself feel bad about not being able to be real. cuz im too shy.
- I've been able to address that im done letting this control my life.
- I'm sick of being unable to get her outa my head.
- I hate the way things have turned out all the same.

But what can you do.
- Well, for one, i've spent more time than i should here blogging, so.
Ideally for once im gonna do what i SAID im gonna do.
marky